Today's blog is special to me. It is an annual one for me that reminds me of the journey I am on. The lessons I have learned and the very many blessings that are mine.
Thirteen years ago I heard the words, “you have cancer.” Not exactly the words I ever wanted to hear and when I first heard them I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The thoughts running through my mind at that time were ~ ‘I’m only 45 years old, there is no way’ ~ ‘I’m healthy’ ~ ‘There is nothing wrong with me’ ~ ‘I’ve prayed and prayed that cancer would never touch me, so, why Lord.’ So many things rattled through my brain and I was in shock. Fear immediately crept in and lived with me for many years. I came to realize that I had no control and I never did. WHAT? 🙄 I realized that bad things can happen to me (even if I said they couldn’t) and there wasn’t a darn thing I could do about it. Talk about fearful. For this type A personality, it was VERY FEARFUL. So what did I do? Well, the only thing a type A personality would do...I read everything I could about my type of cancer so I could control my situation. Makes sense, right? WRONG!
God surely had some work to do in me and I wanted Him to do it ~ PRONTO!! I didn’t want to be fearful. I didn’t want to feel the need to control my situation but truly, I knew no other way. The saying goes, “let go and let God!” OK, that sounds good, doesn’t it, but how in the world do you do that.
I spent many hours on my knees in prayer. Lord, please help me! Lord, please give me peace. Lord, make me well. Lord, help me to TRUST YOU. And there it was, TRUST! I always believed in God. I always prayed to God. I always loved God but did I TRUST God. Well, I did trust Him but that was when things went the way I thought they should go. Did I trust Him when I couldn’t control my situation? I’d love to say I did, but sadly, I did not. Who of us wouldn’t say that trusting God is easy when life is good? When we are in a tough situation and have no clue where the journey will take us, well, trusting is just hard. We want some guarantee that it will all turn out well. We want to know that things will turn out the way we want them too. Don’t we?
Even before my cancer journey began, I always desired peace ~ that real “be still” kind of peace! The kind of peace the Bible speaks about. The kind of peace I knew my Heavenly Father wanted me to have but how in the world do I go about attaining that peace? Notice my wording in that last sentence? I said, “how in the world do I go about attaining that peace?” Again, it was all about ME taking charge. Me doing something. Me being the one that had to DO. Oh how I prayed and prayed and prayed. Lord, give me peace. Please Lord, give me peace! I remember that it was a deep, deep desire in me for many years before my cancer journey began. I asked God for it multiple times a day. I wasn't happy but didn't know why I wasn't. But, God knew.
Slowly, the Lord started working in me. He led me to His Word for strength. He led me to 2 particular devotion books that helped me. Ever so slowly God was filling me with what I needed. I was certainly in a "valley low" but God was working in me in that valley and slowly bringing me out. On February 10, 2008 I wrote this on the bottom page of one of my daily reads............................
“Control - Oh Lord you know me. Control is my middle name. As far as my health and my fears I try to DO whatever I can to live free of trouble. Help me Lord to let You be the God of my life. I can fight and resist all I want but you are in control of this body and life. Help me to let go.” My heart was really hurting. Fear was still within me and peace was far off. I continued praying, reading my Bible and devouring anything Godly. I would walk a lot and pray and sing praises (and cry) as I continued to put one foot in front of the other. Then one day I was reading a book called, “Grace Through The Tough Times” by Mary J. Nelson and read this...................................................
“I thought I knew Him before. I went to church on Sunday and, unless there was a crisis, I kept Him conveniently tucked away in the spiritual compartment of my life until the next Sunday. I thought I understood everything He had to show me. All through those years I thought I was a Christian and I never knew Him at all. One day I landed in the fiery furnace, He tenderly reached out His hand through the flames and gave me two choices: I could face my uncertain future on my own or I could trust Him.”
There’s the word again...TRUST. God was showing me that the peace I longed for wouldn’t come until I trusted Him as the God of my life. As I would read my Bible verses were really speaking to my heart....this one in particular hit me like a ton of bricks and I focus on it often to this day. It says - “all the days ordained for you were written in His book before one came to be.” Psalm 139:16. I read it again and it slowly started sinking in. All the days I will live God knows about. He knows what today will hold and tomorrow and the next day. He knows and He’s in control. I was His before I was even born. Jeremiah 1:5 told me this, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.” Then there was this from Proverbs 20:24 ~ “How can we understand the road we travel? It is the Lord who directs our steps.” Newsflash: The Lord directs my steps. Not Mary Jo.
More and more each day God’s peace has become mine. Yes, I still worry at times and yes, I still want to control (at times) but nothing like I use too. When I find myself back in that way of thinking and doing, I will speak these verses and many others to myself. I remind myself that this journey is directed by God and that it is all for HIS GLORY. Throughout the journey we will encounter many trials but God is with us and has much to teach us. The lessons He teaches are the best. The journey and the lessons produce many, many blessings. From a worldly perspective we generally view blessings as something material....more money, a new car, a skinny body etc. But those are not the best blessings. The best blessings are spiritual blessings ~ peace, contentment, trust, being drawn closer to our Lord and being able to peacefully live in the knowledge that God is in control of this life and all we do is for His Glory.
God is faithful and when pain and trials come into our life, He is with us. He promises to never leave us or forsake us. Romans 8:28 tells us this..."for we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and were called according to His purpose."
I am thankful for my journey and for all the Lord has taught me in the valley low. He has raised me up and has blessed me with peace, contentment, happiness and a true joy deep in my spirit. I belong to Him. He loves me and Heaven is my Home. To God be all the glory forever and ever. Amen
Friday, June 22, 2018
Friday, May 18, 2018
Do I?
Do I trust God? Do I? Or, do I just say I do? Is it something my brain and heart just say because that is what I should say, or do I trust Him? When I read His Word do I believe it is Truth or do I just say that it is?
Yes, I do trust God and yes, I really do believe His Word is truth, however, as I say those words, do I live that way? Do I walk through the day with a heart that is peaceful because I truly do believe I am here for His purposes?
The journey can be so confusing and I tend to focus on me and my happiness instead of God and His purpose. God makes it pretty clear to me on His purpose for me...for us. He says this.... “and this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.” 1 John 3:28.” And again, Jesus said this...... …Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey all that I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28: 18-20
Yes, I trust and yes, I believe His Word is truth and as the father of the sick child proclaimed in Matthew 9:24 - “yes I believe; help my unbelief.”
Yes, I do trust God and yes, I really do believe His Word is truth, however, as I say those words, do I live that way? Do I walk through the day with a heart that is peaceful because I truly do believe I am here for His purposes?
The journey can be so confusing and I tend to focus on me and my happiness instead of God and His purpose. God makes it pretty clear to me on His purpose for me...for us. He says this.... “and this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.” 1 John 3:28.” And again, Jesus said this...... …Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey all that I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28: 18-20
Yes, I trust and yes, I believe His Word is truth and as the father of the sick child proclaimed in Matthew 9:24 - “yes I believe; help my unbelief.”
Saturday, March 24, 2018
Those Days
When you feel alone ~ you enjoy the quiet moment and yet, you feel alone. When you know God is your guide and yet you wonder if you are really following. When you feel as if you don’t matter, yet others count on you. When it seems like everyone is living love with family and yet you feel alone. When you feel you’ve made so many mistakes and being lonely is the result. And yet..love is here. God is here and He is mine. Even amidst my mistakes, my Savior forgives me and is leading me Home. I am following and when I fail Him, He lovingly and gently leads me along. He brought me here to love and encourage others in Jesus’ love and when I need it I have God’s Word. When others don’t have time to give, I rest in knowing my ulitmate comfort can only come from God. The fear of rejection is real and reaching out only to be ignored or said no to is hard on my heart. It makes me feel as if something is wrong with me. So then, it’s easier to just be alone where I’m safe and let love come to me when they want. My heart is always open to those I love but I’m not sure I give what they want. Am I selfish? I hope not. Do I make known that I love them beyond words? I hope so. Would I love to hear I am loved? I would.
I hang onto my God who loves me best. I pray that He would make me a person that brings love and looks for nothing in return. I pray that I would not think about me but instead think about all those times I have rejected others and said no to them. Although my intent could never be to hurt them, I’m sure that’s what I do when I think of myself first and others second.
Loneliness is real and it plagues us all. In life I’ve learned that love and kindness is something each of us desire. I’ve learned that wanting it is a deep need for us all, but reaching out to love and be kind is something so much different. It’s easier to be the victim instead of being the one to reach out. It’s funny really, but it’s when we reach out and think more of others than self that those lonely feelings
go away.
So Lord, teach me on those days to reach out and love. Lord, teach me on those days to remember feelings are only feelings. Feelings aren’t usually truth but are just what happens on those days.
I hang onto my God who loves me best. I pray that He would make me a person that brings love and looks for nothing in return. I pray that I would not think about me but instead think about all those times I have rejected others and said no to them. Although my intent could never be to hurt them, I’m sure that’s what I do when I think of myself first and others second.
Loneliness is real and it plagues us all. In life I’ve learned that love and kindness is something each of us desire. I’ve learned that wanting it is a deep need for us all, but reaching out to love and be kind is something so much different. It’s easier to be the victim instead of being the one to reach out. It’s funny really, but it’s when we reach out and think more of others than self that those lonely feelings
go away.
So Lord, teach me on those days to reach out and love. Lord, teach me on those days to remember feelings are only feelings. Feelings aren’t usually truth but are just what happens on those days.
Sunday, December 3, 2017
“Friends”
“Friends!” The ones who ask the tough questions. Those who help to keep us accountable by asking sincere and heartfelt questions...like....”how are you...REALLY...how are you? Or, “why are you doing what you are doing?” And, “are you rooted in God’s Word, everyday? And this, “is your journey grounded in Love? Are you grounded in Love that is about serving because of the Love God has given to you or is about serving for worldly accolades?” Is your worship about “attendance” - the check off the list weekly “chore?” OUCH. The tough questions. The ones that help us to grow in the best ways.
My “friends” - family and friend/friends are the glue that holds me together. They are those God has blessed me with to keep me keepin’ on while walking this journey.
This first Sunday in Advent. The coming of our Savior...Jesus! The One who is coming again to take His children Home. O come, O Come Emmanuel.
Thank you Heavenly Father and thank you, “friends” for helping me “stay the course” as it were. You make the journey good and help me to prepare my heart, daily, for our Emmanuel’s return.
God knew what we needed on this journey. So, so thankful.
God knew what we needed on this journey. So, so thankful.
“Iron sharpens iron as one person sharpens another!” Proverbs 27:17
Saturday, October 7, 2017
My Heart Is Overwhelmed
My heart is overwhelmed by God’s greatness. It is overwhelmed by His Sovereignty and love. I cannot fathom this kind of love; a love that is unconditional; a love that calls us to trust in His Sovereignty and plan for us. Oh, Lord, I do trust You and my heart longs to know You more and more.
As I walk this earth...I like to call it a journey...I am pointed more and more often to all God offers us. It isn’t the stuff of the world. It actually has nothing to do with us at all. Our God is calling us to fellowship with Himself. He wants our hearts - not just a piece of it but ALL of it. He wants our trust - not only when we think it might all work out, but He wants us to trust Him completely. He wants us to want Him above all else - not only after we receive the worldly things we think define us - but He wants us to know that only He defines us - all the worldly “stuff” only makes the fellowship with Him more difficult.
As God continues to pull me closer to Him, I am in awe of His power and love. The faith that grows in our hearts is His gift to us. It’s in that place that God truly reaches down and teaches us what is most important. There is only one important thing....LOVE.
Love is hard! Taking God’s love is easy....right? I mean think of how others treat us...think of all we’ve done for others, right? (Insert sarcasm)!! NO, love is hard because we think of ourselves first. Love is hard because we want life to be easy and we let our selfishness rule our hearts. Sadly, I know this is true for me. Often, (more often than not), I want more and more of God on my terms. I don’t want to love someone who is hard to love. I’d rather justify why I’m better than that person so my feelings are justified. I want to grow closer to God by serving others in His Name, but once again, I will pick and choose who I will love. Oh Lord, forgive my stubborn and arrogant heart.
As I read God’s Word to me, He is teaching me that when I grasp onto His gift of love ...a love that He freely gives to me - that is when I can “see!” He gives me insight, through His Word, that real peace is given when I stop looking at me, and love from a heart that is overwhelmed by His love for me. His love is so great and His care for us is so incredible that it truly is difficult to contain. Wanting to share His love with all who will listen is what makes a heart at peace. Jesus came for all. Jesus loves all. Jesus died for all. Not just those I think deserve that love. Do I deserve that kind of love? Do any of us?
When I think of His great love, my heart turns to Jesus on the cross. Think of how He suffered. God’s Word tells us in Luke 23 and John 19 that Jesus was beaten beyond recognition, they hurled insults at Him; He wore a crown of thorns rammed into His head and all this was done to this “Man” who did nothing wrong. The part that really gets me everytime is right before Jesus dies on the cross He says, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing. (Luke 23:24). That statement
TRULY overwhelms my heart. How could a love like that be possible? When I stop and really think on this type of love for me and for you, it overwhelms my heart BEYOND anything I could ever explain. It puts my life and this journey He has me on in perspective. He simply asks me to love others. He doesn’t say love those who deserve it. He doesn’t say love those you choose to love but to love others the way I have been loved. On my own this is absolutely not possible. Sadly, I will admit, I don’t like lots of people. But with God and His power and strength, He gives me the “want to!” He gives me a heart that wants to treat others the way I want to be treated. He helps me see beyond my “self” and my selfish ambitions and helps me grasp how “high and wide” His love is. Even grasping a hold of the little bit my mind can comprehend, it goes beyond any sort of love I could give. Only God can change a heart.
As my heart grows more and more overwhelmed by God each and every day, it literally overflows
with thanks. As my eyes grow dimmer and dimmer to the “stuff” of this world and He opens them to
the true beauty of the “stuff” He wants me to see, I can only offer up my thanks. I long to love as my Savior loves. Freely! Lord, help me to take the love in my heart for you, and freely give that love to all..in the Name of Jesus. Amen
As I walk this earth...I like to call it a journey...I am pointed more and more often to all God offers us. It isn’t the stuff of the world. It actually has nothing to do with us at all. Our God is calling us to fellowship with Himself. He wants our hearts - not just a piece of it but ALL of it. He wants our trust - not only when we think it might all work out, but He wants us to trust Him completely. He wants us to want Him above all else - not only after we receive the worldly things we think define us - but He wants us to know that only He defines us - all the worldly “stuff” only makes the fellowship with Him more difficult.
As God continues to pull me closer to Him, I am in awe of His power and love. The faith that grows in our hearts is His gift to us. It’s in that place that God truly reaches down and teaches us what is most important. There is only one important thing....LOVE.
Love is hard! Taking God’s love is easy....right? I mean think of how others treat us...think of all we’ve done for others, right? (Insert sarcasm)!! NO, love is hard because we think of ourselves first. Love is hard because we want life to be easy and we let our selfishness rule our hearts. Sadly, I know this is true for me. Often, (more often than not), I want more and more of God on my terms. I don’t want to love someone who is hard to love. I’d rather justify why I’m better than that person so my feelings are justified. I want to grow closer to God by serving others in His Name, but once again, I will pick and choose who I will love. Oh Lord, forgive my stubborn and arrogant heart.
As I read God’s Word to me, He is teaching me that when I grasp onto His gift of love ...a love that He freely gives to me - that is when I can “see!” He gives me insight, through His Word, that real peace is given when I stop looking at me, and love from a heart that is overwhelmed by His love for me. His love is so great and His care for us is so incredible that it truly is difficult to contain. Wanting to share His love with all who will listen is what makes a heart at peace. Jesus came for all. Jesus loves all. Jesus died for all. Not just those I think deserve that love. Do I deserve that kind of love? Do any of us?
When I think of His great love, my heart turns to Jesus on the cross. Think of how He suffered. God’s Word tells us in Luke 23 and John 19 that Jesus was beaten beyond recognition, they hurled insults at Him; He wore a crown of thorns rammed into His head and all this was done to this “Man” who did nothing wrong. The part that really gets me everytime is right before Jesus dies on the cross He says, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing. (Luke 23:24). That statement
TRULY overwhelms my heart. How could a love like that be possible? When I stop and really think on this type of love for me and for you, it overwhelms my heart BEYOND anything I could ever explain. It puts my life and this journey He has me on in perspective. He simply asks me to love others. He doesn’t say love those who deserve it. He doesn’t say love those you choose to love but to love others the way I have been loved. On my own this is absolutely not possible. Sadly, I will admit, I don’t like lots of people. But with God and His power and strength, He gives me the “want to!” He gives me a heart that wants to treat others the way I want to be treated. He helps me see beyond my “self” and my selfish ambitions and helps me grasp how “high and wide” His love is. Even grasping a hold of the little bit my mind can comprehend, it goes beyond any sort of love I could give. Only God can change a heart.
As my heart grows more and more overwhelmed by God each and every day, it literally overflows
with thanks. As my eyes grow dimmer and dimmer to the “stuff” of this world and He opens them to
the true beauty of the “stuff” He wants me to see, I can only offer up my thanks. I long to love as my Savior loves. Freely! Lord, help me to take the love in my heart for you, and freely give that love to all..in the Name of Jesus. Amen
Monday, September 4, 2017
Happily Ever After
I hate the word, "expectations", because more often than not, what I expect and what happens are two totally different things. It must be that "warm and fuzzy" part of me that lives down deep. The, "life should be perfect" part. You know...the part we all long for?
It has taken me many years to get rid of that kind of thinking but I think I am there. Not perfectly, but for the most part. It was a hard process to get through. I mean, what person doesn't want the perfect friendships, the perfect marriage, the perfect family, the perfect church, the perfect neighborhood. Ohhhhhhhh, the list could go on and on.
I've learned that expectations only bring heart ache. Expectations are trusting in what I want instead of what is. Expectations are trusting in others being perfect when I am not. Expectations put pressure and stress on others when each of us are simply human....humans that are muddling through life together. Each of us wanting the "perfect" but none of us finding it. For that matter, living this way puts us under great stress as we seek to "make things happen" when ultimately we have no control over anyone or most situations. Expectations that I have are saying that I am in control and I am not.
I remember the younger, more immature me. Oh, I desired the perfect everything. I mean, after all, doesn't the perfect "everything" mean you've achieved success? Doesn't it mean, you've done it all right? Doesn't it mean others will look to you and say, "wow, she did it ALL right?" Oh my! What was I thinking? I mean, really, does human perfection even exist? Is life perfect, EVER? Do our perfect expectations ever come true? Does a happily ever after really exist? The answer to all of my questions is a big fat NO.......EXCEPT for my question, "Does a happily ever after really exist?" I've learned that YES, happily ever after does exist. However, on this side of Heaven, it is something we can only long for BUT we can KNOW that it is true. You see, God's Grace leads us along our imperfect lives everyday. He knows what our hearts long for. He knows we desire love and good things everyday, but sadly, our earthly human lives will always have expectations that are never met. Why? Because we are always dealing with imperfect people and I would be the leader of the pact. How can I expect such perfection, when I am such an imperfect person? Looking to what can fill ME and make Me happy instead of living a servants life and my goal being to think NOT of myself but serving others in love? How can I expect to be treated in perfect ways when I myself do not treat others with that same kind of perfection?
We don't have to live our lives here disappointed when our expectations are not met. Yes, there are things in life that make us really sad and we wish for them to be different but, again, we are not in charge. I've learned that when I leave my expectations in the Hands of the One who holds my life in His Hands, I can trust that He has it all under control. You know, to be perfectly honest, sometimes I expect God to do things my way, because I'm pretty sure I know best, and He disappoints me too. BUT GOD in His infinite mercy and love truly does know best and although seeing that from my imperfect perspective and VERY imperfect expectations doesn't make sense, I know that He does. You see, He tells me in His Word this "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts your thoughts." Isaiah 55: 8-9. I know God does not lie so I can stop living with my perfect expectations and trust in the One who knows best.
While I muddle through this journey I may have many days I feel unloved, or that my situation is horrible and nothing like I imagined or expected it to be but God is always with me and He loves me perfectly. This is not an unrealistic expectation but a truth. Jesus says to me and to you, "I am with you always until the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:20) I've learned that life is life and it's best to take it as it comes. When it seems overwhelmingly AWFUL, we can still rest in the One who has it ALL under His control. You see, our happily ever after is coming. The best is yet to come. The glimpses of "perfection" we see here are a tiny, tiny blob of what's to come. My perfect expectation of what's to come has been secured when Jesus died on the cross for you and me. He has covered the very sinful Mary Jo with His blood. I am forgiven and loved. Not by anything I have done but only by Jesus, our Savior of the world.
I've learned to not expect things to be a certain way...well, I've MOSTLY learned that. I've learned to take life as it comes and when my heart is sad and disappointed I simply (well, not so simply) trust in the One who knows my heart and loves me completely. You see, that is an expectation I can count on. He has taught me to be happy simply because. Not because of anything I've done or might do...not because of anything anyone else has done for me (although that is so special) but simply because the One who is holding my "Happily Ever After" is trustworthy and true.
For now, I will continue to muddle through and live this life with all my imperfect expectations because I know those things my heart longs for MOST are waiting for me in Heaven. "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying in pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4
It has taken me many years to get rid of that kind of thinking but I think I am there. Not perfectly, but for the most part. It was a hard process to get through. I mean, what person doesn't want the perfect friendships, the perfect marriage, the perfect family, the perfect church, the perfect neighborhood. Ohhhhhhhh, the list could go on and on.
I've learned that expectations only bring heart ache. Expectations are trusting in what I want instead of what is. Expectations are trusting in others being perfect when I am not. Expectations put pressure and stress on others when each of us are simply human....humans that are muddling through life together. Each of us wanting the "perfect" but none of us finding it. For that matter, living this way puts us under great stress as we seek to "make things happen" when ultimately we have no control over anyone or most situations. Expectations that I have are saying that I am in control and I am not.
I remember the younger, more immature me. Oh, I desired the perfect everything. I mean, after all, doesn't the perfect "everything" mean you've achieved success? Doesn't it mean, you've done it all right? Doesn't it mean others will look to you and say, "wow, she did it ALL right?" Oh my! What was I thinking? I mean, really, does human perfection even exist? Is life perfect, EVER? Do our perfect expectations ever come true? Does a happily ever after really exist? The answer to all of my questions is a big fat NO.......EXCEPT for my question, "Does a happily ever after really exist?" I've learned that YES, happily ever after does exist. However, on this side of Heaven, it is something we can only long for BUT we can KNOW that it is true. You see, God's Grace leads us along our imperfect lives everyday. He knows what our hearts long for. He knows we desire love and good things everyday, but sadly, our earthly human lives will always have expectations that are never met. Why? Because we are always dealing with imperfect people and I would be the leader of the pact. How can I expect such perfection, when I am such an imperfect person? Looking to what can fill ME and make Me happy instead of living a servants life and my goal being to think NOT of myself but serving others in love? How can I expect to be treated in perfect ways when I myself do not treat others with that same kind of perfection?
We don't have to live our lives here disappointed when our expectations are not met. Yes, there are things in life that make us really sad and we wish for them to be different but, again, we are not in charge. I've learned that when I leave my expectations in the Hands of the One who holds my life in His Hands, I can trust that He has it all under control. You know, to be perfectly honest, sometimes I expect God to do things my way, because I'm pretty sure I know best, and He disappoints me too. BUT GOD in His infinite mercy and love truly does know best and although seeing that from my imperfect perspective and VERY imperfect expectations doesn't make sense, I know that He does. You see, He tells me in His Word this "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts your thoughts." Isaiah 55: 8-9. I know God does not lie so I can stop living with my perfect expectations and trust in the One who knows best.
While I muddle through this journey I may have many days I feel unloved, or that my situation is horrible and nothing like I imagined or expected it to be but God is always with me and He loves me perfectly. This is not an unrealistic expectation but a truth. Jesus says to me and to you, "I am with you always until the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:20) I've learned that life is life and it's best to take it as it comes. When it seems overwhelmingly AWFUL, we can still rest in the One who has it ALL under His control. You see, our happily ever after is coming. The best is yet to come. The glimpses of "perfection" we see here are a tiny, tiny blob of what's to come. My perfect expectation of what's to come has been secured when Jesus died on the cross for you and me. He has covered the very sinful Mary Jo with His blood. I am forgiven and loved. Not by anything I have done but only by Jesus, our Savior of the world.
I've learned to not expect things to be a certain way...well, I've MOSTLY learned that. I've learned to take life as it comes and when my heart is sad and disappointed I simply (well, not so simply) trust in the One who knows my heart and loves me completely. You see, that is an expectation I can count on. He has taught me to be happy simply because. Not because of anything I've done or might do...not because of anything anyone else has done for me (although that is so special) but simply because the One who is holding my "Happily Ever After" is trustworthy and true.
For now, I will continue to muddle through and live this life with all my imperfect expectations because I know those things my heart longs for MOST are waiting for me in Heaven. "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying in pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4
Saturday, August 5, 2017
I Finally Found Where I Belong
Fifty seven years and counting! The journey has taken me to places I could never have imagined. The journey has brought so much blessing to my life but it has also brought sadness. It's so easy to accept that which the Lord gives - that which WE perceive as good but "bad" comes and we question and wonder why. In Job 1:21 we read, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." Wow! Really Lord...."blessed be Your Name," in hardship? "Blessed be Your Name," in sickness?
Twelve years ago my life changed. It changed in ways I could never have imagined. When a doctor phones you and says, "I'm sorry.....you have cancer," you definitely don't say...."Blessed be the Name of the Lord. When your boss tells you, "you're position has been eliminated," or "you're fired," I'm pretty confident that person doesn't say, "blessed be the Name of the Lord." Those situation s are bad situations, right? Or, are they?
God has blessed my life in beautiful ways. Most people reading these words would think I mean that God has given me a perfect, happy and wonderful life. He has....yes, but not in the perfect, happy and wonderful way you may be thinking. Growing up with step parents was hard. Moving around from school to school was hard. Getting married young was hard. However, through all that, I always knew there was a God. Not only did I know it, I believed it. For some reason He was always close to me....close to my heart and mind. He was always drawing me to Himself. Always.
As a young wife and mom I remember the struggle well. I remember trying to give my family that perfect family. I remember vowing that my children would always feel loved. I remember vowing I would bring my children up to know Jesus and His beautiful love. Easy, right?? Ummmmm.......not so much! I mean, I set about doing it...you know.....that PERFECT thing.....let's just say, the harder I tried the more I failed. There was the me wanting to "be" like those "perfect" people. You know
them, right? The ones that go to church and sit in the pew with their perfect families. The ones with the perfect kids. Ya, those people....I thought I needed to be like THOSE people, because after all, I loved Jesus and He loved me so if I tried to do all the RIGHT things, well then of course, Jesus would make me and my life like all those other peoples....perfect......RIGHT? No arguing or fighting. Kids that only loved Jesus and didn't do those things that wouldn't be pleasing to the parents or to Jesus. Right? Those same people that were looking at me and others and saying, "I want to be perfect like them."
Oh my.......how naive. How blind! Fifty seven years later here I sit. I look back over ALL these many years and say, THANK YOU, JESUS that I finally found where I belong. Oh our loving Father! Yes, "blessed be the Name of the Lord!" You see, through it all His Hand was always there. Yes, bad things still happened (and still do) and failures as a wife, mom and friend still happen (daily) BUT GOD.......He takes all the past, present and our future and works in it all to teach us.....to draw us closer to Him because He wants ALL of us. He doesn't want to be our "leftover." He doesn't want to be the One we turn to ONLY when the going gets tough. He wants us ALL the time.
Twelve years ago God taught me that it is ok to be me. He taught me that He truly does forgive. He taught me that not only does He forgive but He takes those "bad" times in our lives and works them all together for good ....and those are not my words my friends, but God's. It says in Romans 8:28 ... "for we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and were called according to His purpose." Through sickness he taught me that we have no control. None! God is sovereign and "all the days for us were written in His book before One came to be." (Psalm 139:16). He taught me that He not only is enough but He has to be enough because at any given time our health, wealth, friendships etc. can be taken from us and that these lives He has given to us, need to be lived for Him and His glory because that is the only thing that will last. He has taught me that I can "be still" because He is my God (Psalm 46:10). He has taught me that worrying about what others think is not a worry I need to ever have because we are all in the same boat. I have learned we truly are all the same in our desire to be loved and also in our lives being full of hardships.
As I found where I belong, I can now see that it takes all of it to bring us each day where we were meant to be. Yes, God is good even when things don't look it. We can't see the whole picture, but God can. I have learned that trusting God to work all for His good does NOT mean all things turn out the way we expect or want. Often the opposite is true. But the main thing He taught me through it all is this.....There is only One who matters...truly matters...Jesus. He loves me. He loves you. He has taught me that, THAT, is really all I need. As I found where I belong, He has taught me that this life really isn't about me at all. (really, it isn't - haha) but about serving in the Name of Jesus....proclaiming His salvation ... that all who believe in Him and His saving death on the cross will live with Him forever. (John 3:16)
I am so thankful for all God has taught me and that He has lovingly covered my sins and has taken such good care of my family and me. I am so thankful for cancer and the many blessings I received because of it. You may be thinking, well, that's easy for you to say because Yes, I lived (for now) but I know that when the Lord is finished with me, He will be calling me Home and that is where I belong.
Twelve years ago my life changed. It changed in ways I could never have imagined. When a doctor phones you and says, "I'm sorry.....you have cancer," you definitely don't say...."Blessed be the Name of the Lord. When your boss tells you, "you're position has been eliminated," or "you're fired," I'm pretty confident that person doesn't say, "blessed be the Name of the Lord." Those situation s are bad situations, right? Or, are they?
God has blessed my life in beautiful ways. Most people reading these words would think I mean that God has given me a perfect, happy and wonderful life. He has....yes, but not in the perfect, happy and wonderful way you may be thinking. Growing up with step parents was hard. Moving around from school to school was hard. Getting married young was hard. However, through all that, I always knew there was a God. Not only did I know it, I believed it. For some reason He was always close to me....close to my heart and mind. He was always drawing me to Himself. Always.
As a young wife and mom I remember the struggle well. I remember trying to give my family that perfect family. I remember vowing that my children would always feel loved. I remember vowing I would bring my children up to know Jesus and His beautiful love. Easy, right?? Ummmmm.......not so much! I mean, I set about doing it...you know.....that PERFECT thing.....let's just say, the harder I tried the more I failed. There was the me wanting to "be" like those "perfect" people. You know
them, right? The ones that go to church and sit in the pew with their perfect families. The ones with the perfect kids. Ya, those people....I thought I needed to be like THOSE people, because after all, I loved Jesus and He loved me so if I tried to do all the RIGHT things, well then of course, Jesus would make me and my life like all those other peoples....perfect......RIGHT? No arguing or fighting. Kids that only loved Jesus and didn't do those things that wouldn't be pleasing to the parents or to Jesus. Right? Those same people that were looking at me and others and saying, "I want to be perfect like them."
Oh my.......how naive. How blind! Fifty seven years later here I sit. I look back over ALL these many years and say, THANK YOU, JESUS that I finally found where I belong. Oh our loving Father! Yes, "blessed be the Name of the Lord!" You see, through it all His Hand was always there. Yes, bad things still happened (and still do) and failures as a wife, mom and friend still happen (daily) BUT GOD.......He takes all the past, present and our future and works in it all to teach us.....to draw us closer to Him because He wants ALL of us. He doesn't want to be our "leftover." He doesn't want to be the One we turn to ONLY when the going gets tough. He wants us ALL the time.
Twelve years ago God taught me that it is ok to be me. He taught me that He truly does forgive. He taught me that not only does He forgive but He takes those "bad" times in our lives and works them all together for good ....and those are not my words my friends, but God's. It says in Romans 8:28 ... "for we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and were called according to His purpose." Through sickness he taught me that we have no control. None! God is sovereign and "all the days for us were written in His book before One came to be." (Psalm 139:16). He taught me that He not only is enough but He has to be enough because at any given time our health, wealth, friendships etc. can be taken from us and that these lives He has given to us, need to be lived for Him and His glory because that is the only thing that will last. He has taught me that I can "be still" because He is my God (Psalm 46:10). He has taught me that worrying about what others think is not a worry I need to ever have because we are all in the same boat. I have learned we truly are all the same in our desire to be loved and also in our lives being full of hardships.
As I found where I belong, I can now see that it takes all of it to bring us each day where we were meant to be. Yes, God is good even when things don't look it. We can't see the whole picture, but God can. I have learned that trusting God to work all for His good does NOT mean all things turn out the way we expect or want. Often the opposite is true. But the main thing He taught me through it all is this.....There is only One who matters...truly matters...Jesus. He loves me. He loves you. He has taught me that, THAT, is really all I need. As I found where I belong, He has taught me that this life really isn't about me at all. (really, it isn't - haha) but about serving in the Name of Jesus....proclaiming His salvation ... that all who believe in Him and His saving death on the cross will live with Him forever. (John 3:16)
I am so thankful for all God has taught me and that He has lovingly covered my sins and has taken such good care of my family and me. I am so thankful for cancer and the many blessings I received because of it. You may be thinking, well, that's easy for you to say because Yes, I lived (for now) but I know that when the Lord is finished with me, He will be calling me Home and that is where I belong.
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