I get to the point where my heart overflows with so much inside. It's not always good. It's often all jumbled. But, the desires, the reaching, and the constant longings that I feel keep building up and pouring over inside of me. It's something I can't really explain but my heart gets to a point of overflowing, where my fingers need to release it in words.
The overflowing that occurs, is my longing to be closer to God. The overflowing is my hearts longing to "draw close" and to RELEASE THOSE THINGS I STRUGGLE WITH here on my journey.....conflicts among us, the gossips, the back stabbing, the "I'm a better....(fill in the blank) than you, the "live for number 1" mantra, the unkind words and that lack of devotion to that which is most important. I am pointing my finger at no one. I'm pointing the finger at me. I am part of the world and the struggles I face are mine and mine to deal with.
Also though, my heart overflows with a LOVE FOR GOD AND HIS WORD that constantly pricks my heart.....constantly begs me to want MORE OF HIM. I overflow with JOY AND HAPPY when I am immersed in all things GOOD.....all things JESUS.
I long for a heart that is simply at rest. I long for a heart that truly finds her enough in Jesus. I long for a heart that says, I need nothing but Jesus. I long for a heart that truly lives a life of service to others and can leave my selfish ambitions, my pride, my vanity and my striving, at the foot of the cross. Jesus, has me in His Hands. I know this. His Word tells me in Psalm 139:16 that, "all the days ordained for me were written in His book before one came to be." Yes, BEFORE ONE CAME TO BE. He knows me (and you) that intimately. He knows all our thoughts before we speak a word. He knew all I'd struggle with. He knows my vanity, my pride, my selfish ambition and the striving I would have in my heart to know Him more and more.
What do I strive for? What do I seek after? My heart is always longing for more of Jesus. My heart is constantly striving for His beautiful peace and rest that He longs to give me...to give each of us. Sadly, all to often, I let the world and all it TRIES to give me be what I strive for. It's in the things that I THINK will give me ultimate satisfaction.....the thoughts that go something like this..."if I could be disciplined enough to eat right......if I were thinner......if I wouldn't be greedy.......if I wouldn't worry about this or that.......IF, IF IF, ....THEN.....I would be really happy....really at peace!!
His Word tells us in Jeremiah 29:13, "you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." I trust that and believe He is leading me closer and closer to Him as I seek Him with all my heart . As I rest in all His Word says to me, I see that He is leading me each day closer to when finally my heart will stop striving for all that with which my heart seeks after. You see, my heart is searching after Heaven and all that Heaven offers us. Eternal rest......Eternal peace and Eternal joy. Their, I will finally be "filled up" with ALL my heart longs for. The PERFECT peace and rest I believe we all desire. For now, as I live in this "tent," this, sinful flesh, I will continue to "seek after" Him always, but also, my sinful flesh will also be tempted to believe that other things can fill that which my heart longs for.
My "insides" are so filled up with all the overflows from my heart. My heart knows and rejoices in my Savior who has given to me His Spirit...that "Comforter" that is always reminding me of what is truly blessing. That "Comforter" that is always leading me along and teaching me. Philippians 3:12 speaks to all my overflowing and longing......"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." Until that time, my heart will continue to OVERFLOW with all that is in their. It OVERFLOWS with so much happiness but also sadness.....it OVERFLOWS with rest and also is very restless....it OVERFLOWS with peace and it also longs for peace.
I will continue to "press on" and as Hebrews 12:2 so perfectly proclaims...."Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
