Fifty seven years and counting! The journey has taken me to places I could never have imagined. The journey has brought so much blessing to my life but it has also brought sadness. It's so easy to accept that which the Lord gives - that which WE perceive as good but "bad" comes and we question and wonder why. In Job 1:21 we read, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." Wow! Really Lord...."blessed be Your Name," in hardship? "Blessed be Your Name," in sickness?
Twelve years ago my life changed. It changed in ways I could never have imagined. When a doctor phones you and says, "I'm sorry.....you have cancer," you definitely don't say...."Blessed be the Name of the Lord. When your boss tells you, "you're position has been eliminated," or "you're fired," I'm pretty confident that person doesn't say, "blessed be the Name of the Lord." Those situation s are bad situations, right? Or, are they?
God has blessed my life in beautiful ways. Most people reading these words would think I mean that God has given me a perfect, happy and wonderful life. He has....yes, but not in the perfect, happy and wonderful way you may be thinking. Growing up with step parents was hard. Moving around from school to school was hard. Getting married young was hard. However, through all that, I always knew there was a God. Not only did I know it, I believed it. For some reason He was always close to me....close to my heart and mind. He was always drawing me to Himself. Always.
As a young wife and mom I remember the struggle well. I remember trying to give my family that perfect family. I remember vowing that my children would always feel loved. I remember vowing I would bring my children up to know Jesus and His beautiful love. Easy, right?? Ummmmm.......not so much! I mean, I set about doing it...you know.....that PERFECT thing.....let's just say, the harder I tried the more I failed. There was the me wanting to "be" like those "perfect" people. You know
them, right? The ones that go to church and sit in the pew with their perfect families. The ones with the perfect kids. Ya, those people....I thought I needed to be like THOSE people, because after all, I loved Jesus and He loved me so if I tried to do all the RIGHT things, well then of course, Jesus would make me and my life like all those other peoples....perfect......RIGHT? No arguing or fighting. Kids that only loved Jesus and didn't do those things that wouldn't be pleasing to the parents or to Jesus. Right? Those same people that were looking at me and others and saying, "I want to be perfect like them."
Oh my.......how naive. How blind! Fifty seven years later here I sit. I look back over ALL these many years and say, THANK YOU, JESUS that I finally found where I belong. Oh our loving Father! Yes, "blessed be the Name of the Lord!" You see, through it all His Hand was always there. Yes, bad things still happened (and still do) and failures as a wife, mom and friend still happen (daily) BUT GOD.......He takes all the past, present and our future and works in it all to teach us.....to draw us closer to Him because He wants ALL of us. He doesn't want to be our "leftover." He doesn't want to be the One we turn to ONLY when the going gets tough. He wants us ALL the time.
Twelve years ago God taught me that it is ok to be me. He taught me that He truly does forgive. He taught me that not only does He forgive but He takes those "bad" times in our lives and works them all together for good ....and those are not my words my friends, but God's. It says in Romans 8:28 ... "for we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and were called according to His purpose." Through sickness he taught me that we have no control. None! God is sovereign and "all the days for us were written in His book before One came to be." (Psalm 139:16). He taught me that He not only is enough but He has to be enough because at any given time our health, wealth, friendships etc. can be taken from us and that these lives He has given to us, need to be lived for Him and His glory because that is the only thing that will last. He has taught me that I can "be still" because He is my God (Psalm 46:10). He has taught me that worrying about what others think is not a worry I need to ever have because we are all in the same boat. I have learned we truly are all the same in our desire to be loved and also in our lives being full of hardships.
As I found where I belong, I can now see that it takes all of it to bring us each day where we were meant to be. Yes, God is good even when things don't look it. We can't see the whole picture, but God can. I have learned that trusting God to work all for His good does NOT mean all things turn out the way we expect or want. Often the opposite is true. But the main thing He taught me through it all is this.....There is only One who matters...truly matters...Jesus. He loves me. He loves you. He has taught me that, THAT, is really all I need. As I found where I belong, He has taught me that this life really isn't about me at all. (really, it isn't - haha) but about serving in the Name of Jesus....proclaiming His salvation ... that all who believe in Him and His saving death on the cross will live with Him forever. (John 3:16)
I am so thankful for all God has taught me and that He has lovingly covered my sins and has taken such good care of my family and me. I am so thankful for cancer and the many blessings I received because of it. You may be thinking, well, that's easy for you to say because Yes, I lived (for now) but I know that when the Lord is finished with me, He will be calling me Home and that is where I belong.
