It’s been 18 years since my life changed. I know, I know, I share this every year around this time but I share it because it is that important to me. You see, without going through all that I did I wouldn’t be the Mary Jo I am today. There is nothing spectacular about me at all BUT God living in me and teaching me all He has taught me is VERY SPECTACULAR and it makes me a very happy and thankful person. And sharing what I know is true about God and life is something I will always be committed to until my dying breath.Eighteen years ago I took a phone call with words that changed my life forever. I was told I had cancer and it was very aggressive and invasive. I was home alone when I took that call. I prayed to God in a way I never had prayed before. I sat down….I looked up….and I said, “Lord, I don’t know what I’m about to go through but please use all I will go through for your Glory.” That was it. Short, simple and from a heart that was in shock, afraid and very sad. You see, in all honesty, I thought I was going to die. In our family, (my mom’s side) all first born daughters had passed away before the age of 50. My mom passed at age 47. Her mom in her early 40’s and her mom in her 40’s also. I was next - or so I believed. Me being the first born daughter in this generation, I was quite certain breast cancer would be the way I would die.
My thoughts were very scattered. My life. My God. My Eternal Home. Could I live as a child of God, with peace, going through what I was about to go through? Could I still proclaim God was so very good as chemo wracked my body and my hair fell out? And the worst thought of all was, could I still really talk about Jesus with others with the JOY I had always had for Him? I wanted to but I wasn’t quite sure about it because I surely wasn’t feeling all too joyful towards God. But I really wanted others to see that EVEN IF my life wasn’t what I wanted it to be, my God was still EVERYTHING I knew He was BUT I was struggling with it a little bit also. You see, my mom died of cancer at age 47 and I was very specific in my prayers to God that I did NOT want Him to allow cancer to touch me. As a matter of fact I remember quite specifically praying that “He could give me anything else but not that.” Oh the arrogance of my prayers, right? Like I know better than God what my life should look like. I’m happy He didn’t listen to my prayers.
As those beginning days began to take shape….appointment on top of appointment, surgery scheduled, a chemo plan put into place, etc., this prayer became a prayer I prayed fervently……… “Oh Lord, please help me live well during this time of struggle and if I will die from this cancer, help me to also die well with praises for You always being on my lips. Let others see that my love for you is not based on my circumstances but is based on Your love for me no matter what my life looks like.” I wanted this more than anything else.
Fast forward to today…..God is good. He walked with me then and He walks with me now. Walking through that “valley” time, God was with me. He brought me out of that “valley” time but He did not bring me out the same person. He brought me out a changed person - a person who was transformed by the power of God and His Word which sustained me through many, many dark days. I spent many hours on my knees in prayer and I was stripped bare (quite literally) and this was a most special and blessed time for me. I am not saying it was easy time, I’m saying it was a special and blessed time even through many tears. It was what I needed to come face to face with my life, my mortality and things I struggled with back then. God taught me the truly important lessons and I am so thankful. I’ve learned what matters most. I’ve learned that loving one another is so important because life is so very short. Quit picking at each other and finding fault with everyone else - my goodness, who do we think we are? I’ve learned to live each day as if it were your last and EACH day you are given you should live following God who loves you more than anyone else. I’ve learned how to look at this life differently. It’s important, yes, but not as important of what comes after this life. We have work to do while we are here - sharing the Gospel and serving others. As I get further and further out from that time in my life I have to often remind myself of the many lessons I’ve learned and this is one of the reasons I write this annual letter. It’s good for me and it brings Glory to God.
I will end with a special song of Praise -
“Praise God from whom all blessings flow; Praise Him all creatures here below; Praise Him above the heavenly hosts; Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.”
Amen
